A Shining Dimmed

It's Like Popping Pills

2009-02-20T18:00:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog,

Wow, what a great week. It came unexpectedly n without my awareness. It just slipped through my life without I'm knowing it and this is probably the best week so far here in Arizona. How could u expect this sort of very good things in ur life come into ur life simultaneously. But by the end of it, u realize something which could be very important for ur whole life.

Well, at first, it's just the same week like any other week in U of A. nothing interesting. But, I did realized my English verbally is getting better even though at some points I stopped to think about the words that I wanted to say. But still, it's still getting better though. The big problem for me is regarding my social life here and it's not improving at all. However, particularly on Tuesday, I went for the Geo field trip with just the male students who came for it. I proved to myself that I could hang around with them even though it's not that good but at least I tried.

Wow, and at first, it was really hard for me to use the compass but then, there was this one guy in the class helped me a lot. Thanks to him even though, I still don't really know how to use the compass. I use my intuition all the way to the finishing point. Hmm. On the way back to the van, I realized that I learn how to survive when I'm in a really desperate situation. Huhu. Wow, that is a good point for me think about. You learn how to survive when you need to survive. But the best thing of the day, I got my last week's lab and it's a nerve wrecking experience. Wow, at the end, I got 100. It's a big surprise for me because last week, I got C for the lab (77). Wow. That was so unexpected

The next day, I was going to get my English essay back. The prof. told us that, there are only three of us who really performed for that essay (I mean who got A). And automatically, I told to myself, that is ridiculous. Impossible, u won't be one of the luckiest people in the class. Hell yeah, again the unexpected occur at the most unexpected time. i got A-. That means, I got A for that essay. Wow, I'm one of the three!

That night, I went to the Malaysian Students meeting. As usual, they were late and I was the earliest there. Suddenly, Mary called me from downstairs. Haven't met her for quite a long time and it did felt good to talk to her again. While the meeting is not really successful, so Laura treat us (Husna, Mel and me) at a Thai restaurant. We've had a great time. It felt like u r in Malaysia when you eat a lot and really full and the food is so tasty and delicious while u lepak-lepak after u eat and share things about ur life among each other. It was really great and that Wednesday, I will remember as the best Wednesday ever in my life.

And the next day and all the way till today, I could not stop myself from thinking what the hell happen to me this week? After all of the trouble and the depressions, all of a sudden, good things popped out just like that. That is so scary for me. The things which I'm sure it won't be repeated itself. I hope it will stay forever like this when I can smile and sleep soundly every night.

And today, I realized something really important. This is about the thing I really like which is writing. Hmm, after watching Ugly Betty, I realized that Geology is not really me. Writing is Ikhwan Mahmood. I know I write a lot and I never realize about this. Why? Maybe because of the grades I usually get in KYUEM (which is band 6) kinda hinders me from thinking about the thing I like to do. I don't know but I certainly love the thing in newspaper which is columnist. Who knows one day I could be a popular columnist even though me myself right now does not like to read a column. I just love to write. Read is the second thing.

However, Geology is the thing that I chose, so I need to stick with it no matter what. By the way, I still love Geology but it's not just the thing that u r....(I dont know how to explain this feeling). But I can be a writer and geology at the same time. I guess it's much better and I think, I've made the right choice for my future. I just need to shape it up so it will be better and meaningful. I hope one day, I will do everything that I want to do. (sing on a grand stage, acting in a movie or theater, making movies, directing a film, write a novel, be a columnist, travel around the world and meet someone I really can live with one day. and there are more of them) I will always pray the best for my future and I hope for anyone who read this, u will also try to do what u love to do. Love! Thanks.

Agenda

2009-02-05T14:27:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog,

I read a blog today concerning about facebook, thanks for his information, we now know the story behind facebook. However, I agreed with him 40%. Other than that, I just sense his pessimistic tone. Yes, it is our total privacy so what is wrong with that. People have the right to do whatever they want but they don't have the right to tell what other people should do.

Malaysian (I don't want to say this, but I always have to) always use their free time to do something wasting. Why we should condemn facebook? They are a lot of other thing to talk about which is much more important than this social networking like social malfunction in Malaysia.

What about our own privacy? Same as friendster, because we want to get more friends or we want to have friends that know about us, we posted it. So the same concept as facebook. It is our own right and decision to publish everything about ourselves. You can avoid from publishing the thing that you don't want other people to know. So, in the first place why they publish such story? Blame ourselves dont blame others. We are like bangau oh bangau if we kept blaming other things rather than ourselves. That's the point. Malaysian always like that and I am Malaysian. I admit, I always do that sort of thing but I never stop myself from avoiding it. and that is why the song "Bangau oh Bangau" is so popular in Malaysia, that no other country create that type of song

So, why don't we see the bright side of it? It's a social networking. Alas it is much better than other social network-based websites. If you want to stay to yourself and not connected among each other, it's up to you. (jadilah katak bawah tempurung)

And the thing about Israeli, the problem is, why don't we malaysian or muslim sejati lah katakan, why don't you try to create ur own website (social networking) and try to break through the global market. Try and don't just being envy and dumb at the same time. And one more thing, facebook was created by a student when he was in Harvard (sophomore year). Educated person. So be like him and don't say that his education is useless for making facebook for his own agenda. It's up to us to decide the thing we want people to know and what people don't need to know.

I'm sick of people who always try to find negative thing about everything. Even parties in Malaysia, spreading words and everything for their own sake not for the country. I don't know what happen to Malaysia now. So sad to think of it.

Benjamin Button Who Had A Curious Case ( A Very Curious One!)

2009-02-01T15:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog,

Thank goodness this movie is the contender for Best Picture. It deserves the nomination. (even though I know it will be nominated anyway). People said, this movie reflects Forrest Gump. No! No! For me, this movie is totally different. Both are inspiring but Forrest Gump is something that really inspires us. Thanks to Tom Hanks. He managed to build Forrest character very well. This time, CCBB is about Benjamin Button, who was born with rare desease. He had this reverse growth. (I don't know how to explain this). Anyway, Brad Pitt is the main actor. He's sure will get nomination for Best Actor not because of his acting but his ability to portray a boy in an old body. Well, it is good but this award should be given to someone who acts really well right?

It's a very long movie but I don't think it's long. If you follow the movies and get indulge with the story, I'm sure you'll be like me. There's nothing much I want to say about this movie. The message is obvious and simple enough. Even though you are different, does not mean you cannot live in this world. That's it. Fairly simple.

There are three things I want to talk about this movie. First of all is Taraji Henson. She was good in the movie. With her southern accent, it just make her character beautiful. Besides her nice character, she also become old in the end. This is when she portrays the best of her. She deserves to be the front runner for Supporting Actress. Second thing is Cate Blanchett. She is a great actress. She is one of the greatest actress in this century and yet another well acted character came from her in this movie. I thing, she portrays herself as an old woman very well in different ages. For me, it's a wow. The third thing is the CGI and special effects. Wow, Brad Pitt look so young almost at the end of the movie. Besides young, he also looks shorter. (I realized this). The make up is very real. The person behind those thing should be saluted.

Now, back to Brad Pitt. His acting for me is just the same. Macho man who does not speak much. He reminds me of him in Meet Joe Black. Nothing interesting besides his character himself, Benjamin Button. (other people will praise his acting but I'm not going to). That's all. It deserves to be the second best movie of the year. Maybe share the same position with Frost/Nixon.

Slumdog Billionaire

2009-02-01T14:41:00.000-08:00

Dear Blog,

I know this will sound busy body and just to get extra attention but I really love to critic this movie. I mean critic at the positive point of view. Slumdog Millionaire is something seems exaggerating in everything. From the poverty, orphans, third class behaviour and mostly everything that is negative. But one thing keep echoing in my mind is the message of the film.

The overall acting was fine. Dev Patel plays his character as Jamal quite convincing while Frieda Pinto's (pretty2 girl)acting is also not that bad. Maybe she does not appear much in the film and make me sort of underestimating her acting. But I don't know why she is nominated for best actress (not sure supporting or main) for BAFTA awards. Same as Dev PAtel. THey might be good but just not enough to compete with A List actors in 2008. (well maybe it's a British film, so they have to what they have to do). But I must say, Anil Kapoor is very very good. He has the experience and he manage to act in his acting. As the host of Who Wants to Be A Millionaire (Hindi Version), he seems so hypocrites. That means it is good (Host or TV presenter usually fake).

But the thing I want to talk most is the message. I'm not sure why some of the people underrated this movie. Some of them say that the movie is cliche. Nothing new. Just like another HIndi movie. Some might say the movie is too much. Too disturbing for them. And some of them (this is so not professional) said that the plot and story line is too obvious. Hell yes! It's obvious. But you must think. If the plot is too complicated, will you understand the whole story? And surely, the message won't be conveyed very well which is a bad thing.

Miracle exist in this world. If you are a religious person, you will believe that everything is destined. God has a plan for each and everyone of us and Jamal just proved that to us. He did not have the education. He's not a student and he's just working at sort of (I don't know what it is. Sorry). Finally he became a millionaire and met his love, Frieda Pinto. This movie is representing the reality. Poverty is not just happening in India. It happens anywhere. And the people who are affected the most are children. They are so unfortunate to grow up in a bad condition. Some of them turn to evil just like Jamal's brother. (Salim I guess) This is a phenomenon. A bad phenomenon. A long term phenomenon. Something has to be done. And this movie, teach them that anything is possible. You just need to be nice and try as best as you can. The day will come to you, one day. This is not just for them but also for everyone else. They are people who worst than us.

Another thing about this movie, is about Muslims in India. This is controversial but it's another reality. I don't know what Boyle's aim to portray life of Muslim as the three main characters of the film. (which in the end kill someone and kiss each other. Not so Islam). But maybe it's his way to show his sympathy towards Muslim. I don't know but maybe. But I'm sure have the sympathy towards Muslim who had been killed when there was a war between Muslim and Hindus in India.

But overall, this movie deserves all the accolades and deserves to win Oscar for Best Picture. The only thing which the movie does not deserve is SAG. Doubt should win the best overall casts award. Slumdog Millionaire should be a lesson for Malaysian movies. Don't make anymore plastic characters and cliche comedies. And even Cicak Man should not be a comedy. It should be a superhero movie. It's about time to be honest about what happen in our country. Make political movies. Make movies to show something that portrays reality in Malaysia. It's about time.

Finally, SM may not be the best movie of the decade but it is surely the best movie of 2008. (Yeah! I want to make movies one day)

And the part I like the most is when Jamal was beaten by the American tourists' driver. And he said, now you see the reality of India. And the American lady replied, now you will see the reality of America and scold the driver "Bitch!". Haha, I love this part.

Day Is the Crime, Night Is the Sin

2009-01-31T18:24:00.001-08:00

As the bird flew joyfully

From the very beginning of a horizon

Escorting the rise of the sun from the end of the night

A young man stood at a gate, leaning with his leg

Supporting his wanting for an eternal shine

Appearing far from the narrowest part of the street

Neglecting the sacred spot in his heart

Willing to confide a quiet crime

Unexplainable imagination slide to his mind

Constructing a wicked nasty fantasy

As the shine creepily rise and touching his covered arm

And when the ray dimmed and vanished rapidly

His mind continuously dreaming

Before he can even sleep in his beauty bed

Envisioning the extended form

Of the crime at the day

To the sin in the middle of the night

This poem I wrote according to my own experience on one particular day. I really hope the day will be as I wished and it really came true and it apparently becoming more than expected. Hope you guys can understand and my English is bad, so don't bother the grammar error and all related.

Hello and Hi

2009-01-31T18:08:00.001-08:00

Dear Blog,

Hi there. I'm so sorry to all and to myself for neglecting this blue web page. I'm sorry to myself for breaking my own promise to write as many blog as possible at the last winter. It should be the fertile period for blogging for me but I don't know why in all of a sudden, it changed for movie season. Hmm. It's okay. You still have time ahead to write another blog.

For today, I was awaken by someone (my friend) to open my blog (BM blog) and posted a poem there. I have an english poem I just wrote this morning but I must check the grammar and sentence, syntax and everything before I can publish it.

Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, thanks to my friends and anyone who read this blog. I'm like a baby, hardly taking my first step. So, thanks for the support. This semester (spring semester), I'll have more free time compare to last semester. With lazier professor ( I don't want to mention this, but I just felt I have too) even though the subjects might be more challenging this time. I'm looking forward for big, long holiday which is summer to go back to my beloved country to see my friends, family, my house and of course the food. First thing first, I'll rush to KFC because I miss the chicken.

Alright, for the next coming blog, I'm going to post my review about the movies I've had watched in the winter. Mostly, award nominated movies and am so excited to talk about Slumdog Millionaire. And also, my poem. It's not the first one but I think this time, it has different theme and tone.(slightly better, I guess). I know BM and english are different but this is just my attempt to write something really new. See ya!

Annoying Person

2008-11-24T11:34:00.000-08:00

Dear blog,

Winter is coming and it's getting colder. But the warm atmosphere still pinches my skin. Dang, just forget about the weather and atmosphere. Here now after a month I left this blog without any post, I am thinking of writing again. Even though this time could be the busiest time of my life.

I was really irritated with this one person who I never met before or even talk to him. I hate someone who likes to humiliate and worst when he tries to humiliate me. I admit I'm not that good but please teach me how to be good rather than insulting me. Hell, I really hate that person. Hope that I won't ever meet him anywhere anytime. (never felt this hateful before)

Alrite yo, that's all I guess. Pretty tired. Maybe this winter will be the fertile blogging period for me. Not now with final exams approaching this mid december. But still not necessarily I will not post any blog. Bye, lujju jingga

Today is a cold day

2008-10-13T16:21:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

Something makes me hard to stop smiling today. Sometimes I do laugh about it but it's actually nothing. Today is the coldest day of my life. Never been in this such condition before where the temperature is able to drop below 10c. I was shivering the whole morning.

Right after class, I watch Desperate Housewives and Ugly Betty episode 3. I kinda like the third episode of Ugly Betty because it is like a story telling in a funny way (Betty's perspective). Surprisingly, Daniel's son is not his but he's Alexis son (before she turn into a woman). Wow, that's scary. For Desperate Housewives, there's nothing complicated but I felt pity towards Gabi. Her life turned 180 and it's not getting any better.

But the thing that makes me blown away and really surprised is the Britney's new song. She's amazing. Her video is super sexy (hei I'm above 18 now). Her song is super sarcastic. I saw this one comment on Youtube which talking about the song's background. That person claimed the song is dedicated to her ex husband (you guys know who). Try listen to the song very carefully because it may not be easy to catch the words she say (especially Malay boy like me). Don't bother with the video because you won't be able to focus on the lyrics (so sure bout that). Well, I love her new song and for me, it's a surprising comeback. You guys should listen to her song and watch the video. The brief acting is realistic... (speechless)

Britney Spears - Womanizer (Clip Video)
Uploaded by Britney_Jean_Spears

I Watch This Movie!

2008-10-10T22:49:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

I'm actually not in the mood to write anything tonight because it's suppose to be a movie night for me but this one movie moved me to write something. I watched this movie accidently when I searched a video in Veoh and suddenly one interesting title appeared. It was Soldier's Girl. But first don't misjudge me ok, because I just love to watch any good movies.

It's about a new soldier met a girl (she's a shemale) at a transgender revue. The movie is so touching and sad in the end. You guys should watch this movie. Troy Garity played as the soldier and Lee Pace played as the transgender. I wasn't realise that he is the guy from Pushing Daisies. His acting is so incredible and his portrayal as a shemale is brilliant. I just could not believe that because she was so pretty except for the masculine body type. (spoiler) In the end, the soldier was killed by his colleague because of...hmm ( I can't remember but it's a good movie). Eventually, it shows that love is blind. When there's a love chemistry, anything can happen even if it's going to be strange and complicated.

My habit, if I like something I will find everything related to that thing. I browsed the internet and tried to search anything related to that movie. Surprisingly, the movie is actually based on a true story which is about the relationship between Barry Winchell (he was a straight guy) and Calpernia Addams and the events that led up to Barry's murder by fellow soldiers. This tragedy caught nationwide intention especially to the military and LGBT societies in USA.' As reported in a 1999 New York Times article entitled "An Inconvenient Woman," some groups attempted to portray their relationship as "homosexual" to challenge the military's Don't ask, don't tell policy' (cited from wikipedia). Surprisingly, Calpernia Addams was a former navy.

For me, being open minded is important in this contemporary world.Each and everyone of us have the right towards equality as human being. What happen if that kind of thing happen to us? It's going to be really hard for us too. So be positive and don't blame them. Enjoy the movie!

This is Lee Pace portrayed as Calpernia Addam
while below is him in Pushing Daisies.
He's a really good actor. Troy Garitti as Barrie
Winchell.
I just can't believe he could fall
in love with a transgender

TV Shows Again and Again

2008-10-10T00:39:00.001-07:00

Dear blog,

It's hard for me to manage time here. As the TV shows season premier mostly happen this fall, I hardly resist the temptation of watching them.

My favorite shows:
1. America's Next Top Model
2. Heroes
3. Prison Break
4. Ugly Betty
5. Desperate Housewives
6. Gossip Girl
7. Dirty Sexy Money

How to study and follow those shows at the same time?

My problem is, I am easily addicted to TV shows and get connected emotionally with the stories and the character. As example in Heroes, I am really pissed when stupid Hiro opened his dad's security box and someone steal the formula consequently. And another stupid fellow (peter Patrelli) was warned by Sylar not to get his power which cause the hunger. In the end, he took that power and returned to present world after he killed Nathan and got mad at Sylar. Shame of him. I never like his character. And Hayden is getting chubbier episode by episode. And with more characters in that series, I just simply confused sometimes. (I'm not that kind of person who can concentrate on one thing)

I love Gossip Girl and I love when Serena got her bitchiness back. And I love her husky voice and I love Blair too but I hate Dan. I think Chuck is much better than him.

OMG, Prison Break makes me nervous all the time. That's why I like that series especially when Sara returned to the cast. It was kinda boring in the third season without her.

I hope that season 5 will not be the last season for Desperate Housewives. I feel like one of the neighbour in Wisteria Lane when I watch that drama. If it's going to be the last one, I'll miss them so much especially Gabriel. She's so cute. Lynette too.

I hope you guys are also a drama series addict like me. We can be a good friends you know! Not mention the Korean and Japanese drama here.

TV Shows

2008-10-09T23:58:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

I am so pissed today with one of my favourite TV show. i'm not gonna hide anymore and I proudly declare that I love to watch ANTM since cycle 1. But as the cycles goes on I cannot stand with the surprises anymore.

The show is not about looking for next top model anymore but looking for next top personality. Maybe Tyra should change the title to America's Next Top Personality. The girl who has the most potential will be eliminated or at least be at the final but don't win the title. It's frustrating because in the end the girl who wins was the girl who is not consistent and to be claimed as having personality that inspired people. (what Tyra said to Sheena and I don't inspired by her at all. I got annoyed by her). Why? So there's no point I'm watching the show anymore but I'm simply addicted to it. It's been 11 cycles and it's going to be hard for me to stop watching it.

This is the list of the winners:
Cycle 1: Adrianne
Cycle 2: Yoanna
Cycle 3: Eva
Cycle 4: Naima
Cycle 5: Nicole
Cycle 6: Danielle
Cycle 7: Caridee
Cycle 8: Jaslene
Cycle 9: Saleisha
Cycle 10: Whitney
Cycle 11: Sheena ( I'm pretty sure she'll win because she's the only Asian there. and I'll be the
first one to protest)

and her Starting from cycle 8, I really disappointed with the chosen winner. Jaslene? What the hell. She looks like scrawny drag queen. Renee should win after all. Cycle 9, was the most hateful cycle. I hate Saleisha's hypocrite bubbly personality. Poor Jenah, she had been consistent and caught hi fashion photos. Tyra was looking for her personality and she finally found that in the final 3 but still she got eliminated. I hate cycle 9. For cycle 10, I believe that Tyra wanted to change the modeling industry but it's not fair to Anya. She had been consistent and never be in the bottom 2 ( i guess) but in the end, Whitney was chosen. And now the cycle 11, just because of one posy photo, Lauren Brie got eliminated. She took the most powerful photos at the begining and Tyra claimed that her lack of personality is the reason why she left. WTH. I hate it.

Playing with Emotions

2008-10-08T15:13:00.000-07:00

Dear blog,

Welcome back to myself. I know it's going to be hard for me to write anything here though I love writing so much. Maybe because bunch of assignments that I need to deal with, I feel like writing ( i mean typing) some extra stuff here will be a complete waste of time. However, it came to my mind last night about this second thought. I should write something here...
And it started when I was here in United States about a month ago. I felt so lonely and miserable but it's ok. I can deal with it because I learn so much about life in KYUEM. My dear and 'lovely' college. It's going to be hard for a few days I guess, and it's true. I could handle myself in a week. Life here is not that bad and I just need to strengthen my emotion. That's all. Unfortunately, along the positive thought and try to act like 'nothing happen' behaviour, this parasite of thought struck my mind exactly after a month and it's getting worse day by day. (to be exact until now)
Everyday and every night when everything related to class is settled, I will stay in my room. Doing things by myself and keep talking to myself ( i mean inside my mind. i'm not crazy) is really frustrating. Even though the freedom is lovely but it's killing me. I do watch my favorite drama and TV shows in internet and I do have fun watching them. I do some of my private stuff privately with no interruption and I do enjoy it. But there's something that makes me feel so empty. I figured it out last night and it turns out to be loneliness. I have live alone in my room wasting most of the quality times doing nothing. So I cook, sing, dance and etc just to fill this side of me. But the thing that i need most is friend. A true friend. I believe that every human being will have different approach towards certain people. People's behaviour will change when they meet someone. As example if he meets his good friends, he will be so energetic. If he meets his girlfriend, he will be like the last man in the world. So human is like a chameleon. They do camouflage their behaviour.
Just like me, I do have friends here but they are not the one that I think will accept the true me. All this while, I'm being a stranger to myself. I don't have the chance to be myself. Is this called hipocrite? I think so. At least in Malaysia, if I'm alone or no one arounds me, I can call my best friends and we'll have a great time. But now, it's just me. I hope for the coming 4 years, everything will be fine and at least I can control my emotion and stay sane. I really miss my friends and my homeland. And one positive thing about living solitarily, I learn to be so analytical. Every small parts regarding feelings and emotions, I will try to interpret it myself. What a life.
Till then. c ya! Take care. XOXO. Lujju Jingga